done trying

If you had the chance to do it all over again would you?

Cause I would, this meant something more to me than i had imagined

But I feel less of a person because of you.

I know we're complete strangers now.

We both pretend like we don't care, but I can feel the tension as much as you can.

And you I miss you.

Not in some cheesy, let's hold hands and be together forever sort of way.

I just miss you.

I miss your presence in my life. 

And I don’t know what hurts more, thinking I hate you or knowing  I don't...?

But now I’m officially done trying.

You’re just not worth it anymore.

I figured if you want me in your life, you know where to find me.

Until then, just continue treating me like I don’t exist, like it never happened.

The problem is while I’m writing these words, while I’m saying I don’t care, the look in my eyes tells a completely different story.

 It's not a big deal.                                                                        

Really, break my heart.

Let me down.

Make me cry cause you "care"...right?

And what scares me the most is that after all this, after all the disappointment, the tears and the hurt, if I had the chance, I would take you back in a heartbeat.

But meanwhile, I have to move on, let go of the past even if letting go is the easy part and moving on is painful.

Though I fight it, trying to keep things the same, things can’t stay the same.

At some point I will just have to let it go.

Move on.

Because no matter how painful it is, it’s the only way we grow.

say to you

I planned to say all these terrible things to you, but in the end, I just want to tell you miss you. – 

i'm not mad

I'm not mad, I'm really not I just wish you could know how much I cared. What all I would have done for you. What all I fucking still would do. But I've come to a point where these feelings don't overpower me any longer. I've come to be free of your hold but I just wish you could have known all I went through just for you.

lookin back

lookin back i wish i had said yes
i always thought that we woud have a lot of occasions so at that moment when you asked me if you would come upstairs, i did the most reasonable thing at the time.
i said no
not that i didn't want to but cause at that very moment it wasn't right
but now i don't care. i now know that i shouldn"t have followed my head

happy alone

you've chosen her

I hope the sun shines. Hope it's a beautiful day. I hope something reminds you of me, and how I wish you had stayed. We can plan for change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you to stop loving me. cause I'll never stop loving you. The moment, you told me. you've chosen her. I'm not even upset, hurt or angry anymore. I'm just tired. tired of being the second choice of yours. I'm tired of putting in more effort than I receive. I'm tired of holding on for someone who I shouldn't have love. I'm tired of getting my hopes up only to be disappointed again. someday, when you asked me, "do you still love me?" I'll say " I used to love you more than everyone does". and I wish I still did